CHRONICles of a RELAPSEr

Simple math:
money plus opportunity
times misery
equals bad decisions
I made my choice,
I live with it
I made my bed,
I lie in it
at least it's not
concrete and newspaper
or even worse,
the shelter
Gimme one more medicated
peaceful moment
and I swear I
won't use
it to fuck up my life
only a weeknd
and maybe a Wednesday
I love Her and
it hurts so bad
How can I live without...
wait, my mistake- rearrange
Who can I live without?
jus myself, only me
I'm fine being gone
most of the time
is running out, low
so every now and then
I check into the Overlook Hotel
there it's Shining
and I still have a reservation
blood flow like an elevator
reaching the top floor
praise the most high
I wanna be cleansed like
96 percent of the time
but I'm holding my will back
like I died and I
hate my family
Somethings I jus can't do
or even conceive of
Spiritual not Religious
is a bullshit cop-out
and I'll never truly
fit the mold
my Higher Power lives below
and I'm happy to
sell my soul
for a methamphetamine rush
Trash my hotel room
then realize the maid
is off today
I gotta clean up
Myself

N8 Dogg

Listening to Lust

for Life, walking

the good direction

down the Ave

$200 in cash

600mg in 20s

and my pen is oily

from losing my breath

and slowly coughing

to death

Coffin out the rest

sudden hit by a synthwave

I am feeling Miami nights 1984

making future plans to

hang out with my good

friend Tina

and talk into fans with

chest burst Alien style

to go so far as to

put down a deposit

Now I walk the wrong way

on the Ave

slightly slumped

slightly pumped

all day rush out

you can feel the air

carry on my

wayward none

I'm fine with my

decision making skills

I don't regret

even future consequences

Jus a small shard

get me the blast

make me please

I need to feel that lust

for life

IkLY (+k)

Smoked that blue dream again

And it didn't make me

think of you

so I guess we are both

uninfected

or is it unaffected?

for I know at least one

is living the lifestyle

of not carrying wreckage

yet I'm still stuck from it

It's my truth

peppered into my waking life

my everyday experience

your experiment

is conducted, you

unscathed or

at least barely scratched

It's years later

one still pays price

feels the burn

no salve can soothe

makes a promise to myself

and pretend some self worth

I listened to

"Adderall and weed

in my veins"

then texted you

immediately

Torture Porn

I'm not raw

but I'm not undercooked

I am the inherent vice

in your brain

the flaw you were unfortunate

enough to be born

with, but at least you

were born at all

I'm stuck jus being

a parasitic curse

internalized inside

feeding on the

unpleasantness you face

and I could kill you

if I wanted to

But you shall live

cuz I totally get off on

your misery. And with

all those awful things

or tragic occurrences

I get stronger,

I get harder, better

I am satiated narcissism

and you are my best friend

you feed me the horrible

then I make your life worse

Your existence will

forever hurt

unless you can get me out

I suggest a bullet...

a knife is too messy 

plasmatic suffocation, or I'm choking slow on blood I've lost

As expected
I never get anything right
feeling Brand New
still worn out, useless
tired when I wake
sleeping in fits
I am the unrested
Eternal struggle
continuous fail
content to fall down
with broken neck on
life's long staircase
can't move forward or
get ahead
eyes weak and weary
all the bright is gone
even dark is blurry
I can look into
the mouth of Madness
see a reflection,
or is it a portrait?,
of me surrounded by
dead lights, bleeding out
my nose and my mouth
breathing like a shallow grave
I can only speak in
blood, bubble out words
it covers my face
it coats my eyes
it clots my nostrils
it stains my life red

gabaPentagram (G|13 Classified)

G|13 classified

energy drink satisfies

midnight coffee pacified

sleep deprived

But for creativity

anything sacrficed

simmer Temper fi

tonight I'm a 

mellowhyper

typer guy

Actually reality I am

a man called

Gabapentagram

with a simple plan 

not perfect and

find me in the witchtrap

open hand 

pills to drown

pull me up or push me down

put on your gown

find me in the witch house

wondering which house

to burn down

t-take your turn now

evil and free

running wild

so damn unpretty

need TLC

tomorrow never comes

and that's so-so shitty

but it grows gritty in the city

Baby gurl get black metal 

with me

Bobby no brown

I Still need my Whitney

which we see the witchy

way the moon soon

gets all bitchy

Stevie Nicky

no black out

no itchy

jus flowing going showing

let's write a film (pre)scriptsy

before that let's Sobo strip me

of anxiety propriety

debase biting like a fly or flea

unlikely but goddamn

feed me a few 1000 milligram

gently to make me ascently

and focused incoherently 

then represent me

as that man- 

Gabapentagram

who I'msuppose to be 

Evidently


*Creator's Note*
In an attempt to do something different and push my boundaries I decided to write strea-of-consciousness full on. I had no previous notion of putting it up. But it's a good representative of the nonsense that is my brain
Also fuck it. Who cares wat i write?- CW

Hellevator

No use for a

stairway to heaven

I'm too lazy to walk it

and apparently the escalator

has broken, either way

I'm on a pretty direct

route to Hell

metaphorical or literal

take a pick

deny "my maker"

I'm so down

I live in free will

where it's always sunny

and I chose my 

own adventure

got a soul for sale

it's a lil battered 

and rusty but

for a low price,

it's all yours

Act fast tho- supplies

are limited 

and if you 

order now,

I'll throw in a

slightly irregular brain

Yes today Satan

made up my broken mind

the choice to end all

choices

I request the fire 

I was forged in it

birthed to death

fuck a tan,

I wanna burn