"It's cool to be unmoved by everything"

boredom
disinterest
feeling under-joyed
lack of concern
and sometimes,
jus sometimes I wonder
is it a side effect
of the drugs?
is there a clinical
answer?
a scientific method
for the lost and the wretched
Better Living thru Chemistry
but we are nothing more
than chemicals
jus add water
our minds- they're not ruined
our minds- need the distraction
our minds (not so) secretly
hate us
a mild disconnect
there's an imbalance
in the chemicals
like Valium and Vyvanse
mixed and rum-soaked
thus remains the question;
are we coming or
are we going?
going insane- perhaps
going to extremes- always
going the way of dinosaurs- potentially
going to Hell- there's no doubt in my mind
my mind that hates me

Moira's Eye

hold my gaze
devil before me
look deep into me
demon of mine
I will get the utensils
my sword and shield
I will heat up
to cool off
with relief, with teeth
I have become
wat I wasn't, nor wat I want
but nonetheless
I have become
with your permission
this which you allow
in your infinite, ancient wisdom
you have blessed me
I will feed you
and when you are full
I will stare you down
hold my gaze devil
til the mirror breaks

Defracting

light over the sharpness
light reflects danger
light is not the same now
light is the enemy
light is destroying my life
life behind the sharpness
life refracts the danger
life was never sane before
life is killing me
life of my light

Ian Courtesy

I dont wanna hang around

with isolation

no heart, no soul

I broke bad

she's lost control

now my stash has dwindled

no more unknown pleasures

so now I'm choking

on all this atmosphere

epileptic fits of depression

an ideal for living

record repeats and skips

I'm swinging away

new dawn fades

closer, closer

closure, shadowplays                                             

with my mind

it has torn me apart

much like love and drugs

a means to an end

dead souls in glass

the interzone, insight

warsaw substance

my neck is stiff

failures haunt my dreams

disorder

on the day of the lords, 

a novelty

transmission passover

I remember nothing

(see how many Joy Division refs u can find, Answers Located in the Back)

Sensi-spiria

she uncovered the truth

of her mind and her situation

tried to embrace her fear

she dances around

while witches watch

she twirls for them

and grows lost

afraid, running thru halls

away from corpses

and the maggots in her diet

she's so hungry

confused, but she is strong

she can make it to the end

be the final girl

you're paranoid of a coven

or is it your imagination?

you may never know

Damn that weed was some fire... I think I'm growing paranoid

You're Next!

it's cuz i love you

that i wear the mask

my aim is true

fso run fast from regret

or it will bury you

we deserved better

so the deserved fear

loathing, fuck this world

it's too dark

so now i am too

heavy metal broke my heart

now i must break you

you're next

on the chopping block

and i'm sorry i'm

just not sorry

it's this way of life

how we live now

we must purge

free this beast within

and go towards the light

life drains from your eyes

i have removed the mask

i let it drop

Lushury

stagger about 

with my swagger out

two-stepping with one eye

on fire tonight

we burn the throat

what fun we were having

when what we did was secret

another bottle down

we take turns to drown

in an ocean of need

we want, we desire

there is no shaking

til the next mourning

but for now the sun is gone

but for now...

Dramatic Recreation

War Hole Superstar

no atheists in the foxhole

but silver lights the Warhol

so amphetamine god

film film film me

turn it on

I'm feeling brilliant

turn me on

quiet again,

I am resilent

call Edie up

give her back the note she left

the factory is closing

fame's 15 minutes are up

empire is crumbling

and falling into the underground

Nico-tine smoke

for your Candy, darling

Marilyn will have the soup

new York is a black hole,

my white dwarf

and everyone wants to know-

Who Shot Ya?

HSinPH

hot summers in personal hell
where the walls sweat
and the woodworks swell
the sun burns 1000 degrees
smolders the foliage of the tress
waving at us like a breeze
walk amongst us, all of these
living dead or dead and living
there's no reprieve, we're unforgiven
was this always?
I can't recall the beginning
dance away the days in heat
avoiding molten pools at your feet
hot coals can't compete
with an average walk
down the street
air all a-swelter
I fear there's no escape,
no shelter
blinding lights, life hard to see
an eternity of a burning me
summer vacation gone wrong
turning us into rust
we're smoke away like an angel's dust
true til death where we pray to dwell
with these hot summers in personal hell

Ibprofound

Throbbing of
night spent drinking
I burn alive
inside
with sickness
but it's my own
fault
so many faults?
Sometimes I wonder
if this is real life
cuz I feel
the fantasy should be better
so we imbibe
we try
to perservere
so we get numb
blowing smoking rings
and twist off caps
the glory days are
behind us now
where were you
when you realized
your moment had passed?
maybe you haven't realized
yet...
but you will
and it will hurt
so you drown
drown in it
and drown yourself
the bottle calls
the pipe beacons you
fill 'er up
drink it down
it's your medicine now
first aid kit
take the train to
Vomit City
and enjoy the ride
friended or alone
it's how we live now
now that we're old
sleepless insomniac nights
made possible thru liquids
then you burn down the house
and wonder where
to lie down
something spinning
something's changed
inside you
submerge it, burn it
waste away idle time
you never know how
much you got

10 MIA

A Fast Pill
dissolved caffinated,
Blown away with the
endless cigarette smoke
Choke, Cough
Take off
I go upward
and expand
Universal,
if not galactic
I can feel heaven
in sights and smells
Bodies celestial
and oh I can feel it
I dont fear it
I can feel rising tides
and the moon
Waxing
Waning
Willing
I become Major Tom,
Part of Sagan's saga
Hawkins with a hawkeye
there is no
such thing as finite now
There is no blood,
nor body
No veins or bone left
Jus spirit,
Pure essence
which is essential
I am essential,
eternal, exquisite
I am everything
But I am not a god
I am only a
Microcosm
metaphysical and
messed up
Disassociate, disconnect
falling Forever
I have reached Omega
lifted my right hand,
the left was
pitch black, dead
like stars...
Burning Bright and
burning out
This is the end
of transmission
and the division of joy
sets in, settling
seething
Now I understand
where I stand and no
Reason
shouting out at me
for my return
I am no longer Saturn
I'm reemerging
Earth
Reborn, Reform
and displaced in
this Place
Was this once my home?
so I open the door,
take a seat at the table
Opposite of Stable
for I am lost
once again
I kno I'm back at
the starting line, ready
Willing
and Able
Resurge, Resurrect
I adjust the contrast
Balance the color, lighting
Adjust the set
and the setting
Unsettling
I'm settling
back in My Body
See for a minute
I lost myself
and the Amphetamine
wore off

Is there anyone left in the World tonight?

shimmering
streetlights are my
only companions tonight
as I voyage
bland, forgettable
streets
leaves rustle
over childrens' chalk drawings
that now seem
long forgotten
Forgotten is how
I feel
wandering the vastness
my medium-paced
beating heart is
the soundtrack to my
loneliness
no man is
an island, yet
I feel almost
shipwrecked
I am adrift
in this sea of
suburban concrete
my shoes are the piece
of debris I cling to,
they keep me moving along
when I jus wanna drown
all this silence
is strange
I never thought I'd miss
Human Noise
but for this
moment,
I do
there's no chaos
there's no clamouring
there's no rats racing
there's no
nothing,
jus nothingness
it all feels so
infinte
and still I'm
on the edge
does that make me edgy?
it's not so much
a nervousness,
more of an uncertainty
it's never like this
here, it's
not supposed to be
I never should've
wished this
I did it
to myself
prices are paid
when dreams are made
and now I feel haunted
there is a weight,
not of regret,
nor of sadness
it's the crushing weight
of emptiness
the knowledge
and the knowing
that you
are amazingly alone,
terrified space
is wat you
call "home" now,
it's your world now
so do as you please,
do all that you wished
until it kills you
Was it
worth it?
Is this happiness?
you won't kno
there's no set standard
anymore
jus the silence,
jus the loss of being lost
the fact of your
self-inflicted exhile
is pushing down on
your heart
Do you think they
will miss you
you wanted to be
Tom Sawyer
but now,
you're jus Robinsoe Crusoe

Goodbye Gemini

even with these
all consuming feelings,
it started off so nice
we made our escape
to a place of our own
dreaming
but then she made friends
one for each of us
to while away our days
clubbing, playing games
all we had interest in
and it took us to new places,
new highs, deeper lows
the night is young
and you're so beautiful
Goodbye Gemini
you will be missed
wat they took from you
how they played
the loss, shame
self-hate, blame
never fades
2 lit candles
on the animal's shrine
and robes of bed sheet
blood splattered her
and "father" sliced half,
makes her nervous,
makes her breakdown
let her run
it's time for you to return
to the room
that space where
I was destroyed
they're looking for us
but right now there
is only me
she has betrayed
all of this all
is all her fault
uniqueness of our relationship,
our special bond
2 halves of 1 whole
when she returns
I know wat I must do
even if it kills me
and she comes running
when she remembers the place
I'm scared for her
as she is of me
you can't leave dear Sister
I must stop you
by the throat...

no one is coming
I'm sad for this
blowing out the pilot,
I feel the vastness
and the empty
when I turn up the dial,
I know I am alone now
but not forever
sealed off
in our own world
grab hold of me Sister,
the other half of myself
they will never know
how I loved you,
how i longed
as I breathe deep
and pull her close
I think of sleeping
so I close my eyes

Goodbye Gemini
you will be missed most
in a heart that's
half your own

2 Xanax and a Bulliet

I fear
you have no faith
in me, or my abilities
and here I am
thinking you could move
the stars
you're kinetic
and cosmic
your aura is all over,
this energy
you emminate
I see life in your eyes
you see plague in mine
but
I understand
after all,
we both have
an abyss inside
a hole in ourselves
that pulls the good down
sucks the fun out
but your darkness
looks bright next to mine
maybe cuz I champion you
my belief is strong
maybe I jus see wat I want to
when you tell me
you're worthless
I almost laugh
at the notion
cherish the thought
of you not being wat I think
you're the closest to perfect
I ever wanna kno
when I think of
the world,
I see you
tell me your problems
your faults, your flaws
so you can become more human
and I can feel less
fuct up
I need the energy
and your light is electric
you are something I
can't define
so I no longer try
you may not
always need me
and I'm ok with that
the world will need you
one day,
they'll remember your name
they'll talk of
your face, your smile
and I'll be a memory...
if I'm lucky enough
when your gravity draws
them in and they
all know
you'll remember wat I said
how I feel
and that I was right
maybe you'll thank me
but that's not necessary
I'll always be
someone
cuz I knew you
I'll always matter
cuz you do
and I'll always need you
even if you're jus
a placebo

U.G.Kids

I've got a fire
inside
gets a lil dimmer
with every time I've died
giving up this ghost
at least I tried
committing deicide
in my mind
I hope conspire
earth's new crisis
is getting dire
a brand new fire
with germs that get me higher
is my desire
hear me-
I'm going mental
quite clearly
need a placebo to steer me
in a new direction
the suicide's filed-
open with discretion
the youth of today
say they need
protection
we cut our flag,
Black
into a 4 section
now I hear
Texas is the reason
that get up kids
got up, leaving
stop believing
start an all out war
no cause for alarm
jus shark punch the floor
I don't front, jus agnostic
narcotics converge
til they're toxic
I fly my integrity
unsteadily
maybe it's a cro-mag,
maybe it's not me
it's your indecision
disorderly vision
in my eyes
their precision
jus adds up to a bad religion
but the threat is
minor, can I say?

Needle, work the way

can't catch my equillibrium
another detox stay
equal Librium
don't be a bitch, nurse
give me 'em
so I can go back to bed
and oblivion
I'll be spiked out
jammed like traffic
gone baby gone
no Ben Affleck
cuz when I say dope
I ain't talking about fly
when I say you're sexy,
I mean when you cry
fuct up huh?
I'm a fuct up guy
I don't want the world
don't even wanna try
I'm the white rabbit
with a bad habit
and you kno I'll steal it
if I can grab it
Pixie-like
where is my mind?
all I seem to find is
wat I've left behind
Anne Frankly
I'm sick of hiding
running, riding
they were lying
I've been to the top-
there is no Zion

"hi Joker"

that smile
that smile burns
burns into your mind
red as a blood moon
don't laugh at me,
laugh with me
a laughing spree:
home invasion,
homicide,
robbery
will they get the joke?
as I pour the gasoline
will they find it funny?
as I light the match
will they laugh?
as I commit this arson
paint my face
cuz you're too serious
jus give me a chuckle
we are the men who jus
want to watch the world burn

Lil Skeleton Baby

she comes like
autumn leaves
fall down
follow her around
cuz you love her skin
and wanna see it lack
you jus love her skin
and want it for a mask
too scared to ask,
you plan to take
follow her home
she won't run
eyes without a face,
a smile to kill for
it could be your's
porcelain, white and smooth
it'll be even again
once I stitch it
stay with me forever
I promise
I won't wear you out

Rx-icon Devil

with a battered brain
off track marks, runaway
TrainWreck
pop skull, I am after all
on Adderall
my pheno-Barbie doll
kill my pain, dearest Dilaudid
my aim is true
warm my heart,
use my vein to start
Lean back, nod out
pass out, black out
Valium nights
lead to Darby Crashing
burn, smoke, puff
did I take enough?
is it ever gunna be enough?
is it ever gunna be enough?
is it ever gunna be enough?
prolly not
so I pop more stuff

Pack that grAss Up

burn, burn
you're gunna burn
burn, burn
you're gunna burn
with me
Inhale
let's burn down the house
talk in our heads
set fire to the rain
and the earth
that which comes from dirt
shall be returned
in new form
a quick vapor
Exhale
the grass is dry
as is my mouth

I scannHer darkly

sound and vision
rely on the external
hard drive it home
take her hand
and trampoline
set phases to done
set the temperature on
Delete
turn cameras on
take her in
scan her long
read the vital signs
look for clues in the eyes
this world we live in,
full of little spies
addicts you despise
live all around our lives
take her back
take it down
she seems clean
she smells it too
surge of emotions
tho I'm hiding in my
scrambler suit
like a positive charge
it's not a side effect of the Substance D
I'm thinking it must be love

always wet, hardly clean

TrashDump, I am
my body is a temple
where we worship
Intoxication
every day we try to D.I.E.
(do it excessively)
philosophy is the talk
on the blunt box
speed balls but crack rocks
jus one fix
jus a taste
watever it takes
smoking some weed
while the ketamine bakes
it's the way we're raised
summer's spent swimming
in amphetamine waves
pills to sleep, thrills await
we are awake
don't go my way
if you don't like
that's fine
but don't tell me how to live
my life
you don't hafta be gone,
but I'm gunna stay high
all the time
it's my choice
my voice
I shall use
to say simly to you
"this is how we do"

AK4:20

Kill Them All
kill them all
the anti-herb infidels
who deny the medicine
this is a call for violence
we tried common sense
and got a zero return
All Cops Are Bastards
and the stoners have had it
now we shall rise
up like a gravity bong,
Fight the power,
have a snack
Smash the State,
take a nap
once upon a time
it was okay to play
with your mind
they jus let us be
the weed was free,
figuratively
so by any means
we're taking it back
Rat-atat-tat
smoking joints fat
Rat-atat-tat
Rat-atat-tat
we're getting that

Dip-Set-Smoke

preservation is key
it unlocks Death's door
we must preserve til death
and in Death, persevere
they want to kno
why I smoke cigarettes
burn with formaldehyde
well let me show
the reason for ignorance
once youve tried
Dip shit, dip Shit, Dip Shit
DIPSHIT
my ead gets twisted
and I'm in love
smoke in the air, on the water
I'm wet
see wat I see
hear how I hear
a figure's there
out the corner of my eyes
Waiting, Watching, Wanting
I kno they'll take me when it's time
to make preserves
when I die
may I get wat I deserves
and yes it was
all worth it
cuz I am wat I am,
it is wat it is
look at the clock
it's time to dip shit

Low like Bowie

this same car
always crashing, my ignition
stalled, paint all scratching
I'm clawing at the walls
grinding my teeth
wat in the world was I thinking?
mix of coke, pills, X, drinking
I'm crashing but I can't wave
wat I need is sleep
glorious, so deep,
the speed of life is murder
we are all tortured souls
finding solace in empty botles
and thick lines of
Thin White Duke
we may even be fakes,
replicas, self
created tin machines
subteraneans breaking glass
wat in the world
were we all thinking
last night and the night before?
it ain't easy
so we get high as
a star, man
never wanna come down
from our space oddessy
oddity, jus a bunch of Major Toms
floating tru the vaccum of life,
high on LadyStardust
we call this a 'modern love'
we are diamonds
dogs wild
we are young Americans
living the the golden promise
in these Golden years
which we spent wasted,
in which were wasted
absolute beginners, ameteurs
living lives divided-
I feel like the Berlin Wall
fix my hair and make-up
I feel Low like Bowie

Regan MacNeil

blood drips
from my wrist
I feel sick
projectile for awhile
like the Exorcist
no resist
the siren song of
the opiates
"come to us" they say
"come outside, come play"
I'm powerless
I jus want this
I just want to understand,
and I wanna feel good
Ive been low
low low low
I'm raring to go
bought a ticket to the show
so now I can relax,
go slow
made the connection
got the confection
so I run reverse, opposite
direction
now I understand Perfection
I am a reincarnated Dali Lama
I'm christ's Resurrection
at the intersection
of Strength and Hope
I perform
dissection
with Stress and Dope
tie me down,
as I tie off
Becoming Savage,
the ocean is long
Im lost and ravaged
stranded by myself
no man is an island
I'd like to put in effort
but that requires trying
instead I'll bare my cross
with spoon/needle
I feel the demon
coming on, I
feel its evil
and I...
I... I,
I embrace it

MethO.D. Man

is this the real life
or substance fantasy?
caught in a landslide
somewat like Stevie Nicks
I'm shivering with
cotton fever and antici.... pation
be patient and waiting
for this too shall pass
to Hell and back
turning from Pink man,
into White
time crawls
clawing the walls
dying to get right
vampire life,
come alive when the moon is bright
me and my Jane sleep,
on our backs so slight
straight thru the light
into the night
we search for a fix
and a reason
to keep up the fight

Anslinger's Death

say good night you
son of a bitch
do not go gently
into that good night,
go to Hell
through an endless thorn patch
naked, barefoot
you were the worst
you were the worst
and I hope you suffer
and all the demons laugh at you
in your Purgatory,
my wish is that
you're forced to
subsist on all the substances
you helped to make
illegal

Organ(ic) Grinder

dance for me,
with me
we dance with wolves
while we wear
sheep's clothing
dress warm, with little wolf-skin boots
the hunt begins,
we're out for blood
your blood
this is John Carpenter
you are jus a thing
we can get stoned
you can get stabbed
let me introduce you to my sharp
little friend

Pop Skull / cap(soul)

pop pills, pills I pop
not connected- I could stop
if I want, but
I'm wanted
ghosts in my home
I'm haunted,
or at least I think
it could be pills or the drink
capsules in my capillaries
footstep follows me, tease
my sanity and resolve
this mystery to solve
if I could put it together at all
instead I stall cuz I'm scared
ever since she left, I've been gone
nothing going on in my chest
I can never rest
sleep is but a dream
so I pop beans and wander
wonder
torn asunder
like the ground up under
my feet, I retreat into this defeat
and the ghosts still follow
no matter how many pills I swallow
they moan, I wallow
the presence is there
but for the present I don't care
I wanna go back to the past
and move passed, but
instead it's jus tablets I blast
staying medicated
but these spirits haven't faded
so I guess they're real
at least something is
I'm at rock bottom
a drugstore cowboy haunting
but I kno it's jus me
on the inside rotting