Wednesday, August 21, 2019

Dead Wait


We drag the corpses
they attached us to
bloated with grease
thru broken streets
and boiling seas
Waiting for the calendar
to catch up to us
so they may pronounce
an official cause and time
of death, despite
the fact that we
were long since deceased
birth is an ending
to former lives
dying is not optional,
dying young is
We could save ourselves
so much ache and pain
we could cleanse the
palate of this distaste
the flavor of failing
haunts every bite I take
I am never full due
to my inability to finish
a full meal
choking would be preferable
to swallowing poisonous
rupturing rapture
then maybe my clock
could tock the glorious
moment where demise prevails
and finally
finally I can stop dragging
bones and dead weight
burdened no longer now that
timeline is voided and
I happily shake hands with 
the Grim Reaper

Tuesday, July 2, 2019

It' Alive... It... It Follows

I float like
a ghost
parasite with no host
self disposed
death imposed
riddled with thoughts
keeping my mind
closed
all the "I knows"
got me "this blows"
cuz I made me bad
when I chose
overflows of disgust
chronicles of ridiculous
a damned dam
about to bust
water seeping turns to rust
Caution walking-
ground is dangerous
it was explained
to us
Love is chemical
now I Lust
made a negative
out of plus
like it was jus
a lil buzz
so why so serious?

Tuesday, June 18, 2019

CHRONICles of a RELAPSEr

Simple math:
money plus opportunity
times misery
equals bad decisions
I made my choice,
I live with it
I made my bed,
I lie in it
at least it's not
concrete and newspaper
or even worse,
the shelter
Gimme one more medicated
peaceful moment
and I swear I
won't use
it to fuck up my life
only a weeknd
and maybe a Wednesday
I love Her and
it hurts so bad
How can I live without...
wait, my mistake- rearrange
Who can I live without?
jus myself, only me
I'm fine being gone
most of the time
is running out, low
so every now and then
I check into the Overlook Hotel
there it's Shining
and I still have a reservation
blood flow like an elevator
reaching the top floor
praise the most high
I wanna be cleansed like
96 percent of the time
but I'm holding my will back
like I died and I
hate my family
Somethings I jus can't do
or even conceive of
Spiritual not Religious
is a bullshit cop-out
and I'll never truly
fit the mold
my Higher Power lives below
and I'm happy to
sell my soul
for a methamphetamine rush
Trash my hotel room
then realize the maid
is off today
I gotta clean up
Myself

Saturday, May 18, 2019

N8 Dogg

Listening to Lust
for Life, walking
the good direction
down the Ave
$200 in cash
600mg in 20s
and my pen is oily
from losing my breath
and slowly coughing
to death
Coffin out the rest
sudden hit by a synthwave
I am feeling Miami nights 1984
making future plans to
hang out with my good
friend Tina
and talk into fans with
chest burst Alien style
to go so far as to
put down a deposit
Now I walk the wrong way
on the Ave
slightly slumped
slightly pumped
all day rush out
you can feel the air
carry on my
wayward none
I'm fine with my
decision making skills
I don't regret
even future consequences
Jus a small shard
get me the blast
make me please
I need to feel that lust
for life

Friday, May 17, 2019

IkLY (+k)

Smoked that blue dream again
And it didn't make me
think of you
so I guess we are both
uninfected
or is it unaffected?
for I know at least one
is living the lifestyle
of not carrying wreckage
yet I'm still stuck from it
It's my truth
peppered into my waking life
my everyday experience
your experiment
is conducted, you
unscathed or
at least barely scratched
It's years later
one still pays price
feels the burn
no salve can soothe
makes a promise to myself
and pretend some self worth
I listened to
"Adderall and weed
in my veins"
then texted you
immediately

Monday, May 13, 2019

Torture Porn

I'm not raw
but I'm not undercooked
I am the inherent vice
in your brain
the flaw you were unfortunate
enough to be born
with, but at least you
were born at all
I'm stuck jus being
a parasitic curse
internalized inside
feeding on the
unpleasantness you face
and I could kill you
if I wanted to
But you shall live
cuz I totally get off on
your misery. And with
all those awful things
or tragic occurrences
I get stronger,
I get harder, better
I am satiated narcissism
and you are my best friend
you feed me the horrible
then I make your life worse
Your existence will
forever hurt
unless you can get me out
I suggest a bullet...

a knife is too messy 

plasmatic suffocation, or I'm choking slow on blood I've lost

As expected
I never get anything right
feeling Brand New
still worn out, useless
tired when I wake
sleeping in fits
I am the unrested
Eternal struggle
continuous fail
content to fall down
with broken neck on
life's long staircase
can't move forward or
get ahead
eyes weak and weary
all the bright is gone
even dark is blurry
I can look into
the mouth of Madness
see a reflection,
or is it a portrait?,
of me surrounded by
dead lights, bleeding out
my nose and my mouth
breathing like a shallow grave
I can only speak in
blood, bubble out words
it covers my face
it coats my eyes
it clots my nostrils
it stains my life red