We both wake up
wanting some medicine
and after almost
forty minutes, we
finally admit this
She gets up,
heading to the bathroom
to splash water on her face
I light a cigarette
and reach for my phone
type out our request
press Send
a very tense few moments
and the news is
semi-bad
A 2 hour wait
to see the doctor
this is time we don't
want free-
we have other needs
She sighs a lil
when I update her
and I echo the sentiment
We don't know wat
to do with ourselves,
both jus lie there for awhile
staring off
Conversation is
unwarranted, I'm pretty sure
couldn't if we tried
Check the clock,
not liking the results
We put broken up
green plant in
a piece of paper,
then put a match to
its end, smoking it
kills a tiny amount of time
I do feel a bit better,
jus not enough
Do things that
bored people do,
like doodle on paper
and set the rest of the
matchbook aflame
Air is thick
with apprehension
I really love this-
edge walking anxiety,
staving off insanity
She begins to slowly get ready,
taking time with her make up,
I light the roach
and listen to
"Ultraviolence"
at a volume I think
won't be annoying
no need to upset the balance
we are trying to find
Wishing and dreaming
that I could make
a Valium effort,
I watch her
apply eyeliner,
with a dazed distant look
She's got the
darkest eyes
she's in shades of cool
and I'm on fire
this feeling, our
kit to bear
and it feels heavier
than Heaven,
brighter than Hell
we sweat out
all our annoyance
Both of us feeling
'Sad Girl', its words
astute
then my phone
vibrates, a sound of hope
She looks at me,
saying a million things
wordlessly
I can see her heart race
in those dark, made-up eyes
I check the progress
and it's good good things
I set up the appointment
and we spend the next
10 minutes in a frenzy
scrambling, and stammering
both of us walking close
to snapping
In the car
We drive with purpose
the world needs to
get the fuck out
of our way
Nothing anyone is doing
is as important as
wat we are
We're trying something here
godspeed us to the ghetto
We arrive for
our check-up,
leave our co-pay,
and pick up our
prescription
Impatience takes hold
and we find a side street
any one will do
parked sketchy
in front of a house
I tell her keep watch
Begin the ritual
I cherish so,
starting by taking out
a spoon and Q-tip
While cooking,
I tell her anyone comes,
jus act confused
and ask if Cindy lives there
perfect plan, I think
as I get red flow
from my hand
bang it goes
and I sit back
It creeps up slowly
and it is not bad
I make her's up,
since I see the pure desire
looking at me
After a mild struggle,
all systems go
she sits back and
I watch it take hold
She whimpers, almost
orgasmically... I love it
We are both changed now,
the versions of ourselves
we choose to be
We know we may not
be living "right" or the way
the world wants
We are filled with poison,
beauty,and rage
We're not sick
but we're def not well
and we don't care
my love and I
have made our choices,
we stick to our guns
Wat is a life
without conviction?
So you don't like it?
We don't like your choices
or your lifestyle
we don't care about our own folks
and clearly we knew
the risks and troubles
Gimme Danger
YOLO Twice
Experience your Experiment
these and more are
things we say
on the ride home,
almost as if to
reassure ourselves
but we know in
our hearts and we
use our brains
I smoke my third cigarette,
relaxed and manic
all at once
then I look over at
my Trash Queen
she smiles, eyes all iris
and asks "Wat?"
I say it was nothing
but it never is,
jus this time
it's not a negative
opposite in fact
I look at the window,
staring at the world
speeding by
I have no desire to
fit into it
I'm not a part of their "world"
and for the 1st time
I couldn't careless-
I found my place
now I know
where I want to be
I reach over and take her hand
She utters a loud "Ow"
cuz I accidentally grabbed
a recently used sore spot
Somehow I always do
