Insom(a)niac

I made it thru
the Wilderness
only to find
harsher terrain
and more jungle
sometimes it makes me wonder
Teenage angst has grown old
sick of being this
eternal adolescent
searching for the party
lost in the cause
inefficient rebellion should've
died out by now
instead of jus floundering
Adult Situations-
I wanna grow up
but there's object in the path
I am blocking my way
clogging up the works
so to speak
guilt weighs a
metric ton
and I'm wondering if
I'm ever gunna be enough
more and more
I'm afraid for
the answer

Religious

Dark evil hate
continuously running
like a faucet,
drip and drop
Overflowing contempt
for this place
these people
all the world I see before me
causes this furnace
to burn so hot
I want to rain fire
blood rivers running
thru torn up streets
I want the touch
the taste
the feel of fear
smell it in the air
as the inferior ants
run scattered, scared
I am death
come to life
I could be a god
of the old fashion
punishment is
Perfection
kneel before me
you shall perish
fitingly
on your knees

not all weapons are violent

Kindness is a killer
if you wield this
weapon properly
They say the best
revenge is living well
well I say living is
the best with revenge
experts agree it's a
dish best served cold
I prefer my
own receipe to be
given at room temperature
cold is good for
logic and review
hot is perfect
for retaliatory action
but room temp... that
makes for a taste
of slight simmering anger
that was well considered
In between passive
and aggressive
slow boiling shifting emotions
fill your wardrobe
pick out the one
tailored to your needs
put on the outfit
you wear on the inside
and grab your serving tray
Using all your up and downs
your hates, your loves
feed them the meal
you so kindly prepared
if not kill them,
make them stronger
show them how kind you can be
even if you're poisonous

Sweet & Lowlife (sugarhighcrash)

You're the tooth rotter
saccharine dream girl
Don't wake me from
my well spun sugar coma
cotton candy thin lines
I cut on your picture
I can't stand myself
unless you show me how
you deserve better
than to try and fix
damages and scarring
slices from a past life
and I deserve to be
cast aside, forsaken
I am a ghost
you are the sun
I'd die 1000 new deaths
to walk a minute
in your light
feel your warmth
to be alive again
for a few fleeting moments
long enough to taste
your lollipop lips
blessing the shallow grave
this body I haunt
I only want to possess
a lil of your sweetness
make me a diabetic
and I'll make you infinite
or so I like to imagine
but in the end,
it's all for naught
despite candy crushes,
only death can love us

thru the Golden

once upon a time
or maybe it was never
my mind is an
unreliable narrator
I can't always trust
there seems a space
some small schism
I need you to
shed some light
Was it all a dream or
do you recall a place
where our hearts pumped
the deepest red blood and
oxygen was intoxicating,
its purity almost palpable?
flavor reminiscent of a
sweetness that was once
the most desirable of sensations
one that faded taste buds almost,
but not quite, recognize
you can't remember the origin
you jus know it was
a moment of perfection
and you always will yearn
to feel it on your tongue again
tho it may be unhealthy
and definitely unwise,
something you know better
than to indulge in,
the craving remains
it is the taste of
burning wanton bliss,
unadulterated adoration
and once you've had
it, you'll always want
a second bite
my mouth may
have an insincere impression
filtered thru the Golden
and there was always
a tarnish on my palate
it's possible that I
want so much to believe
that I'm polishing blemishes
so I only see deluded shine
did I make it all up
in my head,
some pretty lie to fill the void?
could such a place have
ever existed, and if so
why would we ever leave?
would the sugariness
we savored still remain?
a rose by another name
I'm not sure I'll ever get
clarification
to these questions
it may not even be
possible to answer
and I don't know
if I really need one
perhaps it's better left
filtered thru the Golden

alcohol, painkillers, and the search for a better song

the whole house smells
like beer and cigarettes
and pancakes that
we made at 4 am
at least I think
I'm can't quite recall
the end of the night,
but I know how
it all began
sniffing blues away
drinking thru my pain
and I need to find
a different song
one that fits the mood
all my fav people
are in attendance
except maybe one
or two, so tonight
I'm not dancing alone
instead I'm
like no one's watching
plus I'm confident
tomorrow I won't
remember
I can't stand myself
but I love all of you
in this moment,
this time
and this song
we all sing along to
is so perfect
so you pack a bowl
I'll get another drink
maybe piss in the bush
we've been steadily
killing all summer
trashy and teenaged
except we
are far too old
but we don't have
to act it tonight
let's jus keep
drinking, smoking, moving
to a better beat
one that's our own
searching the dial
again and again
and again
til I get it jus right
I wish I had known
that these were
the glory days
we never felt
the air rush out,
tho deep down
we knew it was
an inevitability
nothing bronze can stay
life has changed
too much now
all this distance hurts
and I'm still stuck
remembering a time
when I dared
to try and
touch the sun
and while it ultimately
was a failure,
at least we got
high enough to try

CCH I LOVE Y'ALL ALWAYS

 

Vena no Amoris

Self-imposed fugitives
hiding out in the
land of Nod
we, the midnight riders
in broad daylight
instinctual survival
relying on wits
we can build a
tent in the living room
and draw blood
til we're dead tired
delusional fantasies
where we play pretend
we wander, laugh a lot
happy idiots and
life's a broken down
amusement park
the ride's still spinning
lights, camera, acting
as if we're ok
god's whisper is
jus background music
but the devil's
our theme song
all these strange encounters
starring 2 lost souls
roll credits then fade to
empty gestures, wasted spaces
Inside joke is
we're kidding ourselves
this foundation crumbling
into the flood
we slip, slow drowning
there's a lesson here
about trust and
why you shouldn't
jus couldn't see it
clearly, thru the
shared saliva, wiped off plasma
a partnership frayed and
so barely held together
I can own up
to my share of the undoing
we could keep running
holes poked thru
our souls, fractured
trying to remain intact
However it won't
be long before they
catch up, catch us
and throw me away
in the dog pound
but wat's new pussycat?
sold it all out
for the price of spite
a hefty cost
smile revealed deadly fangs
pumped poison to bloodstream
killing the heart
I guess your mask
hid more than mine