Lemon Saccharine

There's a way to see
the gate to Heavens
It is to look upon
her eyes
in them, you can see
a clear day
and on a clear day,
you may see
Forever
4 Evers, as you are
Earth & Water,
Fire & Wind
She is shining
we rotate around
her warming glow
my SuperStar
I can be your Warhol
if you will be my Edie
we can be heroes
as long as our
love stays greedy
Green leaf and lush,
like a forest built...
jus... for....us
Only us, for
we are the only
we are the royalty
we are the dreamers
who can turn your Golden
into nightmares
It doesn't bother us,
we barely break a sweat
All it takes is a drop
of her strength
to feel untouchable,
Invincible at times
but no longer feeling invisible
or pointless
Every time there is a point
sometimes hard to gauge
but always it's gotten
There are still flaws-
always there will be bullets
that missed, and you
hope for a ricochet
No one is an island
unless self-created
these are only
temporary clogs
not enough to stop the cogs
so the gear is always delivered
We load up
nightmare fuel and
haunt you
We're secretly jus vacant
and we don't care
careless in this
that we make ourselves
sick over
one last caress
is all we truly want
All that's needed is her

Well, I Guess This Is Shutting Up

Scoundrels, all of you
Trust No One has
never been so alive
the world is
against us but as
of late it's even
more so me
Fuck did I do-
have a heart?
and feelings
of true affection?
Now I'm affected
infected, infested
with the bullshit
pouring out mouths
of so-called friends
who, in my so-called life,
don't deserve to
be my associates
they deserve to be
stuffed full of
the pure manure
that they spew
Now I allow my
days to be darkened
or hope to black
them out
cuz there's no painkiller
ever strong enough,
no pill can numb
me enough or
make me as dumb
as these fairweathers,
soaked in ether
They mean nothing,
so why am I
allowing this power?
I can't get sucked in
but down I am going
to a cold, lonely,
and dark place
where a version of
myself that I don't know
dwells and whispers,
filling my head up
combination of questions
and bad ideas
I jus wanna be
totally irrational
and do something I
might regret... might
Make them all float
I need to smoke something
to get out of my head
the rolling process is
soothing, as is the smoke
As always, while exhaling
I wonder to myself
'Why am I the asshole?'
because we have similar
interests and I get
to kiss her? Really?
She is an adult,
fully capable of making
her own decisions
and she did
She choose me
I feel so sorry
for your bad case of
unadulterated, unfiltered
jealousy... and honestly
it's jus sad
We are all adults here
I'm no worse or better
than any of you
except my motivations
are based on my heart
and my feelings, wat I
know is true
You jus want wat
you can't have
so you talk shit
cuz it's all you got
Oh plus
you already lost
Maybe try shutting
the fuck up
it'd prolly help you deal

When I heard the LEAN'd astronomer

Everybody scream or shriek
Everybody sleep
Awake in the a.m.
but don't speak
Jus eat
Doubt not
for we consume the
weak, and
as with the week
gone before a blink
Leaves changing
She's changing
and he is in
the waiting area,
same outfit on
Buckets of rain
build up
too heavy to empty
we jus let them
runneth over
We will never see
a miracle
We will be lucky
to see a mirage
And I can never tell
if my head is above the sea
or slightly below surface
I'm always breathing
water
my lungs will
never clear
Dampness in my walls
has lead to early on
set rot
molding and crumbling
constant irritants in the air
cigarettes my only filtration
dehumidify my heart
so my eyes may finally clear
Screaming at walls
well, it got me nothing
til I saw only blood red
dripping like the moon
we can never catch
a star, try is fail
shame of life
I'd like to burn up
with a handful
of the heavens
immolate to vapors,
extracting my essence
making a sense
of permanence
and allow my former
to exist on and on
But instead
I must wait
and decay like
all the rest
I am not special
I am not meant to be
a cosmic entity
I don't play the role
of eternal light speed
I didn't even get
a call back
So I wait with
my race, sad and
confused and lonely
All jus holding on hope
for a crystal ship
and true ascension
these crutch dreams
are nice and all
but still we are
failing,
falling to piece
with age and ravage
Major Tom never returned
we had to become something else
We are not interstellar,
particles of light fractions
We are living flaws of biology
nature's animals fractured
We all want to be
Supernovas when
we aren't even dead stars
most of us never
even fully live
esp not to potential
Maybe once I believed
in our ability to
become celestial
but I no longer dream
it never did any favors
Now I'm one of the others
Slightly evolved
typical animals,
melting pieces in the
sunlight
shredding apart every
nightfall,
all of us waiting for the Big Sleep
floating aimless,
We're all so very tired

fear & self-loathing in lost places (May Cause Lousiness)

there's no room to sleep
with no downers
Ritalin stole my focus
so off to the
concentration camp
Every day lessons
of an uninteresting struggle
light a cigarette
and prep a shot
time to kill pain
time to kill yourself
(slowly) Go slow
warning flares go up
and we all fall down
some a lil harder
face first, no breath
How did she survive?
I saved her with
pure luck
but for a few, all
seemed lost
so we did another
and stayed up all night
no Addy or 'vanses
jus fear
and self loathing
we got American ideals-
Red flag
White powder
Blue Dream
we are the new
Americana
bills to pay/pills to take
Bored in the USA
so we go to the Dr
and hope for a
spike in life
a flash of color
monotany is a killer
always kill em
like our brains'
cells ain't chillum
writing with my G-Pen
waiting for the Xanax's
arrival, needed calm
may cause lousiness
but we die for the feel
be it static
or electric, lacking
the proper tools we are
digging our own graves
with each spoon
full of dirt
always wet, hardly clean
always on, hardly keen
art damaged hip hop punks
bouncing about
We are the weirdos
we jus get by
and need some relief
an escape route
from ourselves
life's waiting room
has only Time to read
Dr, Dr
take us to church
Our Lady of Initial Onset
we plead, we prey
living half-life,
Is it ever gunna be enough
or does this existence
ever suffice?
taking up residence
in a Suffer-agette city
cuz it's easier to
love the empty spaces
when you hate yourself

2Gone 2GAF

Popping 'pins and Old Tommy
crush half in the end of my glass
Sip it semi-fast
getting semi-sonic
I'm feeling West Coast
where's my del Rey?
Lost in the marina
running AC cuz I can't
decide a temp
I'm fuct
but not right
More liquid
prolly not more pills
Vaping my very last
praying for the fresh sack
Needs that
but we smoking a rez chunk
Lottadab in it
Larsen got it out
he's rewarded
Gin and orange soda
is it even good?
Nothing better to do
than eat pieces of pills
And drink spills
keep the soundtrack going
Orange goblins we sip
to keep the pills kicked
Midnight City on repeat;
that sax tho

straight Brown.. Danny, the sound

half missed cotton shot
using a Burberry knockoff
to tie off
not too rough in the hit
I must be echoing smith
I jus wanna be a cool kid
but old with no reason
its over- football season
so I pump myself with poison for relieving
drinking on benzo, no spring break
I want to grow up
so I limit my pill intake
tonight tho, it was time to drank
til I feel like Drake the Snake
singing with the body slam….
on that chlonzapam
listening to Fidlar
thinking hot damn
I got to proclaim
these Johnnys did their thang
I'm feeling like the right murder
so I keep drinking to go further
pills booze weed dope
Please hammered don't hurt em
have you seen her? In fact
one last time before the clack
It all went black
and I lost my place, lost my sack
it was so loud but
not going back
this is a scene
made by an arms race
some come and get your love,
others get shot up
and ascend above
the vein is the pain
and the only way to sustain
the rest is plain

like Twister, but standing up and with drugs \***/ SWIM Along

up and down and up
they going
like moods and plungers
Out with the old
In with the new
Habits
need a lil
bit of red
The world is
black and white
unless you add
your own shade-
I'm partial to green
and a sensible brown
Call it a balanced breakfast
for the off kilter
we are the willing
we gamble,
don't often win
but if we wake up
we can try again
Baby you could
never look me in the eye
reality was too real
this vacation was
warranted, you can
sail into the dark
once the blood
flows back
Meet me on the solstice
we'll dose each other
and cheer the new season

**********
**************
*********

Come on over
and do the Twist
let's get lost in
our very own haunted house
We've got a
swimming pool full
of bad decisions and
a lifetime to make them
lie in the grass,
burning it down
like a house and my
head won't stop talking
I think I need a shot
and I'm all out of liquor
Fleetwood Mac on vinyl
cotton fever in the tub
thinking 'ain't life grand?'
these salad days,
they wilt too fast
good times getting
gone and I'm scared
to drift too far
I cling to these
life raft moments
hoping to keep my head
above this
boiling water and
stabbing yourself
This is pleasure
the full world is a drag
and the real
pulls you into place
I don't like the feeling
of shackles or this
quickly resetting sun
It'll be dark soon
and there's, sadly,
no night swimming
KIDulthood ends
ready and willing
or not, it doesn't care
watches and wait
til you drink your
defenses down,
til you finally
feel comfortably numb
not caring so much
almost a passive
acceptance
I want to be able
to dip my toes in
for as long as I'm able
you gotta be willing
to make a splash
Sometimes all it is
is jus leaping
eyes narrow open
this fear of Fear is
self Loathing disguised
manifests in erratics
when it's all overwhelming
and I feel like whining
Unwinding is the key,
a dip in the pool
you can see the heat
rise off the pavement
so clear blue water
is heavensent
coming down is
only for rain
Took some stuff
that made us feel
like extraterrestrials
acting like an Alien
jus needed to soar
jus need it, too sore
pushed away the pains
of a pure heart
Let's act less human
for our own good
lay on our backs
with the sun warming
our bellies, content as cats
We smoke then
light a cigarette
splash around, rippled
feeling wavy is better
wading in our waters,
wetting their world
I'm happier letting
the whirlpool take me
cuz bitch don't kill my vibe
and never messes my high
Off the diving board
plungering head first
in those few seconds
I'm soaring, my fear
begins to get faded,
catching up to the rest
relax into the rush
I needed so much
and our time in the water
is always quality
It's my habitat,
where I wanna be
I see the bottom of
the pool, fractured
and brilliant, not unlike
people I know
like-minded and alike
similar souls
We were the weirdos,
out of step outcasts
in a hopeless place
come and get your love
a quick dunk, fully submerge
Purify your purity
defy wat you were taught
We're down til we're
underwater
but there's no solo
Marco Polo
so join us in the far end
won't let you get
too deep
take the break
and have a drink
We're all friends here
in this swimming pool
we all float...
You'll float too