I don't like Mundanes

Wake up midmorning
swallow my pill and my strip
sits under my tongue
while I pour a cup
of mediocre coffee
then I got out front
to ostensibly check
the weather but really
it's to smoke 2-3
menthol rollies
sometimes small talk
sometimes quiet and empty
I prefer the latter
I sit on the curb if
the sun is high or
it's warm enough
I can't see my phone screen
(how dare...) but
I do get vitamin D
After that I go upstairs
sit on my bed
pondering my next move
which usually consists
of social media or
some version of visual
entertainment
within 15-30 mins,
I'm already bored
and boring myself
nothing holds my attention
but I also don't
try too hard
Usually lost in thought
of the dumbest nature
imaging fake band names
or asking myself trivia
I get a text, I don't
feel like replying to
I want to talk to someone
but I really don't
I jus think I do
that would require efforts
ability to hold conversation
my grip feels pretty weak
I don't want to do it
I do but I don't
indecisive irritation
cuz anxiety is acting up
like a spoiled child
kicking the back of a car seat
which now makes it
hard to sit with myself
reply to text while
half watching the screen
my big question at
the moment is
if and when I should dress
and wat to wear?
getting dressed up to
go nowhere
currently feels pointless
and diminishing
I'm bathed in trivial
plus now I'm starting to
sweat profusely from
chemicals that I need
to stay right
even if unsatisfied
ugh life
I don't know IDK IDK
so new plan-
Let's go outside and
smoke til I feel sick
I can always get
dressed after that
maybe more coffee
maybe jus go back to bed
give in to my doldrums
phone lights up
my reply has been replied to
which is jus great cuz
now I hafta think
of something to say

MassA(ve)cre

smashed bottles
Cigarette butts
empty green packs
Busted works
broken lighters
scattered clothing
paper scraps
Suboxene wrappers
the occasion pill bottle,
label ripped off
Newports for a dollar
non-fatal overdoses
extra gravity weighing on
the junky's heavy head
an abandoned shoe
Backpacks bulging,
filled with all earthly possession
Used condoms
Used Narcan
bags that cost .5 cents extra
Security in every store
boosters selling every
and anything they can
A bad smell in the
fast food restaurant
100 sob stories
800 mg neurontin
$20 blowjobs
cutting the line at
the methadone clinic
hard, soft, brown
barbed wired fences
sleepers on sidewalks-
they belong to the Ave now
All the stumbling living dead
and a pretty dyed red
head Irish girl who's the
very definition of
hot Mess
born on Halloween
and cool af
most likely I'll end
up marrying her

Dilaudidn't

Take me to
the days of user past
when I was ok,
when I could last
before I was an ex
man we had
a blast and I
was too blind
to realize that
and that's a fact
let's take it back
2 buses to the hood
1 hour til I'm good
go to places cuz I could
but prolly should not
cuz the block is hot
but wat choice do I got?
So I get wat I want
the bathroom I get off
hit my arm and
spliff some pot
my dude don't smoke a lot
but damn man, he can talk
I don't mind cuz it's his spot
so I kick for a minute
then I kick rocks
find solitude for another shot
time to kill like
a dead clock
Now I get the tingle I seek
with no habit to speak
there was no mountain
only the peak
and the flush of the rush
was enough to get weak
fix in the park
wipe up the leak
then head up the street
to wherever I may roam
I couldn't use the phone
unless I was at home
so if wifi's a no
I travel alone
destination unknown
like I'm Ruby Soho
hit JFK for a shot
to the head
my flag and train line
both come in red
"I'll be home at 3:30"
was the last text I read
"
I'm in love with Friday
when I get paid
cuz I get Kool
with some Ade
hustle a few
so my bill is nil
and my day is made
Plus after the bus
I can chill
but another pill's
a must so I bust
down, then I can write
or sweeten my appetite
partaking in any delight
that I like while
high like a flight
in a lil bit hit my kit
feeling so light
wait to see
wat occurs for me
unexpectedly
later this night
maybe it's jus
from a day getting right
But for this moment
my future's so bright

upside down crotch (for RM)

A bleach blonde suicide bomb
my desire is a fire that's never ever gone
Sucked in, entrancing, this siren song
how soon is now and for how long
shall I pray and hit replay?
perhaps maybe on one fine day
in the meantime I jus stay
stuck, always out of luck
but in love and lust
thus mine's a boundless sea
and she is the mermaid
always swimming jus away from me
delightfully, such a sight to see
the pure ecstasy she prescribes
feelings lack correct insights
cuz I'm blinded by the lights
golden aura shines so brightly
dreaming that demon
daily and nightly
she's not vanilla but she's icey
glistening like a diamond
that's way too pricey
unfortunately
she's perfect proportionally
I see her face and wish I could be
mere inches away in an eyes-closed kiss throbbing between us, the meanest bliss
don't worry for I know
it's all jus a fantasy
and she will always "can't" for me
But a boy can dream
about a girl, so
I tune into the show
watching her undress slow
when you see her eyes
and the way they glow
It's away we go
and the feel for real
one minor detail to know
who cares if she got 
something extra tho?

TrueLoveBurnsUsAlive

Infernal delight
like a scarlet letter
now it is forever, eternal
like the flame in my
chest that burns deep
within me, the smoke swirls
spelling out your name
dancing across a grave
one foot edging close
Initals carved into
an old oak tree
down in a secret grove
a circle of salt around
our island and a hex
on this town
caught up in sacrilege
I am caught as a sacrifice
an effigy to suffice
and feed the bloodlusting
prisoner of puritania
caged and starved
of my one wonderful
I can hear your soft
and sweet whispers
moans special to me
for our sake, to keep you safe
I enter a guilty plea
I am bared like a tomb
a spectacle and testament
to how far the will of man
will really truly hold
when the ropes
become chains, assuredly
leading to certain doom
Bewitched and now
I am the one literally burning
for you, for us, at the stake
but I don't fret or break sweat
I welcome the pain
I'll die with your secrets silent
never won't utter a word, my darling
they got it all wrong
the torches lit, kerosene soaking
I shall try not scream
for all that could come out
is your name, and all this
sad death would be in vain
I love you pure, bound in
soul and spirit
wait for me in the woods
my skeleton will appear

my Sins before Me

Days like today
full of stark weather
I feel like going on a
sort of spree
leaving a trail of
demise in my wake
and funeral attire
he's got the look
of survivor's guilt
is not a factor in my life
so precious and draining
on the floor, die
 twice my darling
and obviously don't
say another word
I am Hell, purely
and simply evil
I smile but
it never reaches
my eyes

ReanimatHer

After she ripped out
my heart, I
think it's only fair
that I cut her throat
jus repaying the favor
since I have to live
like that, then
she should live like this
I hate that I
damaged her voice box
since did so love
our conversations
but at least now
she can't complain
as every talk will
literally be one sided
If I inject that
neon green liquid,
I can restore stasis
making my life better
ironically thru a needle hole
greedy, yes I know
plus I wonder if there
will still be a full
and complicated soul
in that non ticking chest
alive as the dead living
with our sins unforgiven
Can we ever be truly
fully functional?
try to quench this
sciene based insanity
unkowning at best
I wish us
placid and placate
like spirits at rest
there is only one chance
like a true
or false test
Suppose I'll jus
have to try
I guess