I don't like Mundanes

Wake up midmorning
swallow my pill and my strip
sits under my tongue
while I pour a cup
of mediocre coffee
then I got out front
to ostensibly check
the weather but really
it's to smoke 2-3
menthol rollies
sometimes small talk
sometimes quiet and empty
I prefer the latter
I sit on the curb if
the sun is high or
it's warm enough
I can't see my phone screen
(how dare...) but
I do get vitamin D
After that I go upstairs
sit on my bed
pondering my next move
which usually consists
of social media or
some version of visual
entertainment
within 15-30 mins,
I'm already bored
and boring myself
nothing holds my attention
but I also don't
try too hard
Usually lost in thought
of the dumbest nature
imaging fake band names
or asking myself trivia
I get a text, I don't
feel like replying to
I want to talk to someone
but I really don't
I jus think I do
that would require efforts
ability to hold conversation
my grip feels pretty weak
I don't want to do it
I do but I don't
indecisive irritation
cuz anxiety is acting up
like a spoiled child
kicking the back of a car seat
which now makes it
hard to sit with myself
reply to text while
half watching the screen
my big question at
the moment is
if and when I should dress
and wat to wear?
getting dressed up to
go nowhere
currently feels pointless
and diminishing
I'm bathed in trivial
plus now I'm starting to
sweat profusely from
chemicals that I need
to stay right
even if unsatisfied
ugh life
I don't know IDK IDK
so new plan-
Let's go outside and
smoke til I feel sick
I can always get
dressed after that
maybe more coffee
maybe jus go back to bed
give in to my doldrums
phone lights up
my reply has been replied to
which is jus great cuz
now I hafta think
of something to say